Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
