Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize