did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
