I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
