does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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