I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
