Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
