i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
