Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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