the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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