She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
