We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
