Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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