Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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