im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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