Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
