I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
