I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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