she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize