I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
