Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
