Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
