Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
