I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
