So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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