Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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