I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
