last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
