I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
