I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
