You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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