He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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