i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize