They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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