Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
