What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
