Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
