Whod you bang
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
