just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
