Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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