i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Four minutes until I can fart!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
