yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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