your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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