I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
In America we eat man semen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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