someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
