My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
