He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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