Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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