i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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