This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
