I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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