Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
