only if we run a train.
done.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
