just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize