I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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