just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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