What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
