I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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