So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
