i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
