Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
