It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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