Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
