dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
