The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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