so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
